i’m done, seriously.
my family here means nothing and thinks what i’ve been going through isn’t worth anything. a conversation escalated with my uncle/godfather and aunt yelling at me, how my acknowledging that i’m depressed isn’t something to even mention. i told them that they didn’t have to talk to me like this and that i wanted to leave. my mother was also there and very upset by my aunt’s words towards us both getting help through therapy and medication. we then went to my car and my uncle/godfather followed us out, and started screaming at me to shut-up! he stated, “no wonder why yr father doesn’t want you and by the way, the thing about you being raped, other girls have been raped haven’t they?” i started crying, telling him to stop and he said “you need to be really hit hard!” he went to the side of my door as my window was open and i was afraid he was going to hit me. as i closed my window quickly, he yelled… “yr a coward, aren’t you?”
listen: radiohead – climbing up the walls (zero 7 mix)
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December 31st, 1969 at 11:59 pm
Radiohead ? Climbing Up the Walls (Zero 7 Mix) http://tinyurl.com/mg54d6 ? http://blip.fm/~7xijr
June 9th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
Sigh. Families can be so hurtful. It’s tough, but try to be compassionate – they’re probably scared because you’re bravely facing big, scary issues that they themselves can’t bring themselves to. They are the weak, cowardly ones. Frame that thought, then walk away from them until they and you are able to carry on the dialogue in a respectful, kind manner. And realize that it may be a long time before that can happen.
Oh, and here, have a big hug too… :)
June 9th, 2009 at 1:29 pm
This breaks my heart, sorry to hear you went through it. Your instincts to get out of there are right on. I’m sorry to say too you may never want to look back. Your “god”father is clearly abusive and dangerous. What a piece of work. Getting help is a good thing. It’s pathetic to fault you for it. And horrible to blame you for bad things that happened to you that have nothing to do with who you are. Nobody deserves that. Take care and be safe.
June 9th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
Oh dear… Family is sometimes the hardest thing. Stay strong and know that you are doing what you need to do for yourself. *big hug*
p.s. he is the coward for not looking within himself.
June 9th, 2009 at 1:51 pm
Get the help that you need, however you may need to get it. The cycle you are in is a hard road. Remember, that you are trying to break the cycle of dysfunction, but those who are still very much caught up in it, are not going to let you break out so easily. You are strong because you recognize the dysfunction. When you can, start closing doors with some people in your life. You need to, to be free….Good luck….
Namaste…..Catherine
June 9th, 2009 at 1:52 pm
Wow. This totally broke my heart and made me so angry when I read it. No-one deserves to be talked to or treated like that, especially by family. You are doing an amazing thing by sharing it, and letting it out with your words and posts. I think you are a fantastic person, you help so many with your beautiful site. Thank you.
June 9th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
Wow. That is truly sad and brave of you to share. A small piece of advice that always helps me with the family (and there are many other things to deal with here besides family) is to remember their basic humaness and frailty. What makes them say the things they do? What in their emotional make-up makes them be so uncaring or outright vengeful? The moment I started accepting my parents, my siblings, my extended family as fragile and imperfect (like myself) was the moment I started to understand and the moment I had the start of the weapons I needed to move on and survive and most important, not repeat some of their mistakes. I wish you luck. I think you are amazing.
June 9th, 2009 at 2:13 pm
Peace to you.
We’re all so complex.
June 9th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
i’m sorry to hear about what yr going through. i went through some traumatic event earlier this year, i’m sure not nearly as bad as yrs but when i started to feel helpless i would tell myself this: “what does not kill me only makes me stronger” -Nietzsche. i am a better person now. i know that you are too. you are an amazing woman and you will get through this stronger than ever.
love, M
June 9th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
*heart breaking*
I send love and compassion in your direction. Know you are loved and cared about by so many strangers across the globe. Any of us would take you into our homes and give you the support you need. True family is not found in blood, but respect, trust, and love.
I have hope for your future. It will be bright and warm.
June 9th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
Just to be beeotchy, but both your uncle and aunt need to be hit “really hard.” :-( What insensitive jerks.
I’ve found that people who are in the gutter themselves and refuse/are unwilling to get help like to have company. So keep strong, you’re on the right path, and keep away from the negative/unsupportive/bullying influences (uh, your uncle and aunt) as much as you can. Maybe they’ll come around and be decent human beings, maybe they won’t, but you’ve got to focus on YOU right now, and do what’s healthy for YOU.
*hugs*
June 9th, 2009 at 2:38 pm
It’s upsetting to hear about this experience. However, you shouldn’t say things like “I’m done, seriously”, as you do not seriously mean this. It would be best if you could move beyond depression and medication immediately. You do not have to suffer another instant. Any precipitating event that occurred is now over. Stop reliving it, as reliving it is causing you to hurt yourself, and you do not have to do so. May I suggest “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle?
June 9th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
duh? he’s the coward.
June 9th, 2009 at 3:18 pm
You really need to get away from that negative environment if you can. Although, your family probably just wants to see you happy and they don’t know how to express it. You don’t need to hear their negative comments. They don’t understand what you are going through. You need to surround yourself with people who do understand.
June 9th, 2009 at 3:38 pm
I had hoped that this breed of ignorance has been wiped from the planet, but sadly, I see they are not. You are doing the best thing to take care of yourself by getting out and clearly have the support of many others. The faster you can extract yourself from that negative energy, the better off you will be. Your uncle/godfather should be ashamed of himself. You obviously are remarkably talented and have so much to offer the world. I wish you all the best.
June 9th, 2009 at 5:37 pm
so sad to read your entry. i hope you find the peace and strength to move forward and leave the hurt far, far behind you.
peace.
s.
June 10th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
Nothing useful to add, sorry, but I hope you’re okay. The way you were treated would have been wrong if you were only upset about a disappointing payrise, never mind endured something so awful.
Be brave, Danielle. Good luck.
June 10th, 2009 at 1:48 pm
Your story is truly heartbreaking. Family can be terribly cruel! Be strong, and try not to hate them. They are acting out of a place of fear in not understanding and knowing how to help you. Gather strength in knowing that it is OK for you to feel the way you do. You are allowed to cope with what you have been through in whatever way works for you. And, rest assured, you are a valuable and wonderful person. People all over adore your creativity and beauty that come through so clearly on your blog. *Big Hug*
June 10th, 2009 at 5:47 pm
i’ve been through both verbal and physical abuse from my father and decided that no matter what i had to get the hell away from that house as soon as i was legally able to. i didn’t speak to him ever again. when he died, i went through a lot of mixed emotions. on one hand he was my father and i did love him, but he had also abused my mother and i for years and i hated him. i used to see my friends and their ‘normal’ families and wonder what it was like to have a father you didn’t have to hide from when he was drunk or simply in a bad mood, to have parents who supported their children and encouraged their talents. i think the hatred i had for him from robbing that from me made me work twice as hard to do my art and prove (perhaps more to myself than to him) that i could be really great at something and that nothing he could say or do would take that away from me.
it’s so much easier when the ‘enemy’ isn’t someone in your family, because when it is a family member, it carries over to you. self-hatred is taught by abuse and is really difficult to overcome. depression is very real and will drain the life out of you if not dealt with. do not let them get to you. this man might be ‘family’ but if he treats you like that, he is the enemy and you cannot let him injure you again. period. if there is a way to keep him out of your life until a time when he is going to treat you with respect and (perhaps most importantly) apologize for what he has said and done, do it for your own self preservation. you need to heal right now. if he threatens you again, take out an order of protection against him. abuse is not a joke and it should not be tolerated. take charge of your life and don’t let anyone abuse you. i just turned 45 years old this year and while my father has been dead now for 23 years, some of the stuff is still very raw at times and i don’t know if that will ever go away. the memories of being beaten have faded, for the most part, but there are still times when i remember bits and pieces of incidents and it’s still awful.
i don’t know how old you are, but you’ve had to deal with a lot of shit that nobody should have to at any age. don’t let it scar you. it’s good that you are going to therapy. if i had done that instead of self-medicating on drugs and alcohol for years i think i would have been able to deal with this a lot sooner and move on.
take care of yourself.
June 10th, 2009 at 6:04 pm
How awful. I can only echo what so many others have said – you are doing the right thing for you, and we’re all pulling for you.
June 10th, 2009 at 9:32 pm
I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this bullshit. I feel your pain though. I have been through a lot of the same things and have been treated the same ways. I currently have to deal with my family and their bullshit and it’s no fun. It will get better, eventually. I hope you see you are special and very talented. I appreciate your work and will continue to visit your site for a long time to come.
June 11th, 2009 at 3:28 am
I am truly horrified to learn of what you’re going through and cannot really imagine how you must feel. It must be little comfort to you, but as you can see a lot of people appreciate and love you for all the times you’ve touched them and changed their world. Now it is our turn to help and support you however we can. You are not alone, no matter how you may feel, no matter what you do. As for your family, my personal instinct would be to get away from there, but that is up to you and you do need support from those close to you (those that You feel close to). Live through this.
June 11th, 2009 at 4:02 am
‘The ones we choose to love become our anchor / When the hawser of our blood-ties’ hacked or frayed”. Take care, Danielle – know yourself and stick with it.
June 14th, 2009 at 5:35 pm
thank you all so much! it means the world to know others understand and care, and to have been able to share this moment on here was very important to me. yr hopeful words and messages have truly been so appreciated during this difficult time. with all my heart, thanks again..
June 17th, 2009 at 4:40 am
i think u r the coolest, and everything you have ever said i’m always happy to read.
i know we share different pains and family problems, but i think they all have some sort of connection, so i send you a hang in there just like i do and how I deeply hope you feel better.
June 30th, 2009 at 1:21 am
Hey don’t worry… he’s clearly just a fucktard.
September 12th, 2009 at 10:22 am
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