So, I have these reaccuring lyrics that have now imprinted themselves within a song of mine… “Sleep…my tender. Die…in vane.” It’s so simple with an endlessly riddled melody with a focus of Keith Jarrett‘s classical abilities. But, there is such a story filled with brutal tragedy laced hatred and the upmost life altering death defying love…all in the same person. The love and hatred for one’s mother can be such a difficult topic to endure.
The only peace in this moment for me is to just swim. My head is under the water and I want every part of me to be covered by the melodies of Jarrett’s work in ‘Dark Intervals’. It has also come to mind how last evening was such a painful event. I ended a summer romance filled with love, expression, and beauty. She made a simple mistake of hidden dishonesty where she was afraid to let me know something so simple…so trivial. So, in a moment, I was home and crumpled over in pain from ending something so beautiful in my life. But, the question remained strong in my mind. Why be with someone that does not want to be with you? It’s very clear how all mistakes and occurances can easily be traced back to the very foundation of that very question. Either I do or I do not want to be involved with someone and my actions/decisions will make it very clear or not. Still, the fact remains…what is produced in our lives is a reflection of that desire or lack thereof. It really is that simple, right?
I listen to Dark Intervals and I have such a pain run through me. I’ve played my song and became bitter. I pulled away from love last night because of another human being’s ability to reject. It is all interacting with one another right now in my life. Music, memories of a mother’s scorning past, questions of faith in love, fears of mistakes, and an empty bottle of wine with a smile…I’m alive and I love every fucking second of it.
from dark intervals [live in japan :: 1988]